Gift list etiquette can be confusing and conflicting - partly because wedding gift lists are a relatively new phenomenon.  The Designer Card Company, provider of luxury wedding invitations and wedding stationery, answers some of the most frequently asked questions about wedding gift list etiquette.

“We’re not sure about having a gift list because we don’t want our guests to feel obliged to buy us a gift. What should we do?”

Guests understand when couples get married it’s because they love each other - not because they’re looking for wedding gifts! If you decide to have a gift list you can choose your wording carefully to ensure that your guests don’t feel obliged to buy a gift. For example, a popular phrase to use is “It’s your presence, not your present, that we want!”

Even if you don’t want your guests to buy gifts for you, you’ll find that most people still want to give a gift as they feel it’s the right thing to do - and they want to mark the occasion with a gift. Without a gift list to guide your guests you could find yourselves inundated with gifts which you don’t really want. If you really don’t want any gifts for yourselves, why not consider charity gifts? Or you could ask for tree gifts which will grow and mature (just like your marriage!) as well as offsetting carbon emissions.
“Should we send details of our gift list with our wedding invitations?”
When couples first started using gift lists it was not accepted etiquette to include details of a gift list with a wedding invitation. However, as gift lists have become increasingly popular, times have changed and so has the etiquette. It has become much more the norm - and it’s simpler - to let guests know where a gift list has been set up and saves guests trying to contact the bridal party to find out. It’s highly unlikely that guests will take offence. Most gift list companies can provide you with invitation inserts which you can send to guests.

With this in mind, The Designer Card Company offer deluxe wallet cards - cards which feature a handy wallet so that your gift list, as well as any directions, maps or further information, can be neatly contained in your cards.  After all, there is nothing worse than opening a wedding invitation only for everything to fall out all over the floor!
“Should our evening guests be given details of our gift list?”

This is really entirely down to you, as it depends on how well you know the evening guests.  If you don’t expect your evening guests to give you a gift, don’t include information about your gift list with their invitations.  The Designer Card Company provides Evening Invitations with wallets too, so if you would like to include a gift list it can be neatly contained.

“Is it OK to ask for money for general use or our honeymoon?”

Many couples already have the traditional household items which were often given as gifts such as toasters, kettles, towels and bedding. That’s why couples often feel that it would suit them better to ask for money which they can use towards something special, such as their honeymoon. If you’re saving towards a deposit on a house, furniture or a new kitchen and would appreciate money towards that why not ask for contributions on your gift list? It is becoming far more the norm for couples to ask for money - but our advice is to let guests know what the money will be spent on so that your guests feel that they’ve contributed towards a specific item rather than giving money which could be spent on household bills or your entertainment expenses!

“We don’t need household items and we’re asking for other types of gifts on our gift list - how should we explain this to guests?”

Many couples enclose an information sheet when they send out their invitations. The information sheet could have all sorts of important information such as directions, transport and accommodations options and information about the gift list. You might be able to add this info to your gift list if your provider offers this option.  Or if not, you could have matching, bespoke  information cards made by The Designer Card Company.  They slot into the wallet cards so that they do not fall out.

Suggested Gift List Wording

If you want to explain to your guests that they don’t have to buy you a gift, or if you want to tell them a bit about your gift list here are some suggestions:
“Please don’t feel obliged to give us a gift - all we really want is to have a lovely wedding which we can share with our friends and family.”
“Your presence is more important than a present!”
“You probably know that we usually like to do things differently - so it might not be a surprise to you that our gift list is a little bit different too!”
“As we already have a lot of household items, we hope you won’t mind us asking for money instead of traditional wedding gifts. We’re planning to spend the money on…”
“To celebrate our wedding we’re going on a once-in-a-lifetime honeymoon which will give us memories we’ll always remember. Our honeymoon gift list shows some of the trips we’ve got planned so you can see how we plan to use your kind wedding gift.”
“We’ve decided to set up a charity gift list. If you would like to give a gift, this is a perfect way for our wedding to help others less fortunate than us.”

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 10th, 2009 at 7:43 am and is filed under Wedding Invitations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.